sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
