i always forget guys have bellybuttons
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
sex in a hospital.. check
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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