got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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