Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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