i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
