i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
