You can't special order awesome
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
