I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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