It's like a parade of train wrecks.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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