how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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