I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
