Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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