Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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