Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
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