So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
