My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
whose parrot is this?
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Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.