theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.