Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
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In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
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I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink