Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.