My sheets look like a crime scene.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?