Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
