I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
