just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
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You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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