This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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