in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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