Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
