Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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