She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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