It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
