Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
