you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
