we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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