the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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