Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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