Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
