I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
even my farts smell like vagina
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
