He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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