You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
