I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I cockslap morals
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
