I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
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He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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