There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
