I want to make a zoo with you.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
