i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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