I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
