mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
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I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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