How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
