when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
