I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
