im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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