i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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