I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
