took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
They left me at home... I'm a liability