i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
