is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
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It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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