lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
