i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
