My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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