dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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