You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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