before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
