i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I could fuck to npr.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
